bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
