Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
