Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
