please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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