I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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