You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
