Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize