Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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