So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
