ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
