he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
