I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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