Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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