Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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