Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
