I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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