Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
