apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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