I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
pop tarts are not kleenex
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
They have beer where we have blood.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
