a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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