God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
