I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
