I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
