I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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