i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
