1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
