My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
FUCK WHALES
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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