i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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