brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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