K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
