Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
