there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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