how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We need to rekindle our bromance
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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