in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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