I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
