i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
