I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
