i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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