She's JV to your varsity
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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