a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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