he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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