As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
