The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
