so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
