Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
