you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
