Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
