And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
