On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
