We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
