Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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