I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
