Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
