Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
