How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
