Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
