the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
