BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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