We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
