i just had sex bonerless
she peed on how many people?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
