Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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