does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
