yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
