Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
