Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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