Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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