He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
