hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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