You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
