woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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