The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize