I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
