and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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