my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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