He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
