Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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