Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
