we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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