and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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