do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
