I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
